"We will adjust your cable bill," the customer service representative told Stephanie, "by dropping the erroneous charge of..."

...winterizing your cable system."

Still fuming, Stephanie replied, "I would hope you're going to adjust my bill, I've never heard of anything so ludicrous in all my life!"

The customer rep, maintaining her composure, continued, "We've had some new people doing installations, and some of them thought that because you live in a snowy area, that having your cable installed under your siding would be considered as winterizing. We are sorry for any mis-understanding."

"The mis-understanding, is thinking that you're going to get anyone to pay two hundred dollars for winterizing their cable system!"

"Yes maam, thank you for subscribing to Conner Cable. I need to end our call now, as I have an entire bank of other callers waiting."

"I'll bet you do, especially if they've all been billed for that ridiculous service."

Even after getting her bill adjusted, Stephanie was still dumbstruck over what Conner Cable was trying to get away with.

by Stewart Lindsay, Buffalo, NY

...$682.50."

"Thank you," replied Stephanie. "My elderly mother was watching my apartment last month and she could never run up a TV bill like that.

Days later, Stephanie's ninety year old mother called Alice on the phone. "Alice, Stephanie is gone on another trip so get over here and bring Mabel. She is the only one who knows how to connect into that porno stuff on TV. Alice giggled,"You old bat, what are you going to do if your daughter figures out you are watching all that bad stuff?"

"So what...I don't think I am going to be on this earth much longer and I am old enough to watch what I want to watch. Besides, when I die, I have it in my will to cremate me. That will surely burn the hell right out of me."

by Anthony Bagnick, Lake Ariel, PA