WEEK 367
"I'm not sure why," Richard told the technician, "but every once in a while my computer tries to..."


...eat me. I can just be sitting here, play games or surfing the Internet, when suddenly a swirling black vortex appears. It tries its best to engulf me, within its twisting array of death. However, as it tries to consume me, I repeatedly press ESCAPE on the keyboard. Then, after a while of fighting and pressing escape, the vortex finally dies away, and I can then hear a little moan of defeat, as my computer screen reappears. Damn, I suppose, I should not have bought it at that yard sale the three-horned demon down the street had.

by Dannie M. Smith, LaFayette, Ga

...start a strange exorcise program."

The technician scratched his head. "Exercise? Like checking for viruses?"

"No, exorcise as in exorcism. It runs 'Confession,' purging my porn stash, deleting my rock and rap, and blocking mature websites. It even does this," Richard said and typed National Geographic's url. Instead of loading, the browser opened the Creation Museum's webpage.

The technician whistled. "You ve got a Christian virus. It's a problem unless you can run updates."

"Well, Jesus! Just last week I was installing something and it gave me a damn error message. Under 'solve the problem' section, the response was that evolution is a sham."

The technician made a note on his clipboard. "The next step is the Mac then."

"But, isn't the Apple a sin?"

"Nah, you'll be fine. Oh, and this'll cost you $100."

by Aja Hannah, Maryland, USA

...cancel what I'm doing."

The sweaty technician pushed his glasses up farther up on the bridge of his nose. He snorted loudly and bent down to inspect the issue. "Well, it looks like something's been down here chewin' at the wires." He gasped. "Do you have any pets? Like a rabbit or a rat? Anything like that?"

Richard thought a moment, then shook his head. "Nope." Richard said thoughtfully. "I think that I might have some rats, though."

The technician was silent. Richard pryed him with his boot. The technician fell over and a rat crawled out of of a now empty eye socket...

by Laura M, Fort Wayne, IN

...kill me. I am very confused," said Richard "Could you help me out?"

"I dont think I'm qualified to study living computers," said the technician. "You're crazy."

Richard had a lot to think about so he went home and sat on the computer (not even thinking.) He grabbed the mouse and suddenly fell asleep

The technician came to his house to find the door was open. He went in and Richard lay on the floor. He called the constable.

The constable arrived and noticed there were keyboard marks.

"Well, maybe it was the truth" said the technician.

"This just doesn't add up!"

"Well, we can't charge a computer with murder!"

"You're right!"

"This case is closed."

by Nick B, Muncie

...shut itself down."

There was a click and the phone started beeping. Great, Richard thought, he hung up on me like all the rest do. He placed the large pale phone back on the reciver.

Richard sighed to himself. Ever since Marcy left him for Christopher, he had been all alone. Not even the techncician would come to keep him company.

He knew what he had to do. Richard trudged up the stairs and made a right into his bedroom. Once inside, he flung up the matress and took his .44 magnum and the two magazines he had. Richard stuck the gun in the back of his pants, put the two magazines in his pockets, and then turned to the door. He had to kill Marcy and Christopher.

by Lauren K, Muncie, IN

...make me look bad!"

"Tries to make you look bad?"

"Yeah, sometimes when I'm entering information really fast, the keystrokes I make don't correlate to what shows up on the screen."

"And you think it's the computer's fault, trying to make you look bad?"

"Sure, what else could it be!"

"Well, Rich, do you think that maybe you're just hitting the wrong keys by trying to enter your data too fast?"

"Come on, Herb, you know I'm better than that!"

"Well then, maybe you need a vacation, Rich."

"Yeah, I guess maybe I do."

As the technician disconnected his call from Richard, he turned to his fellow techs, smiled and said, "I think it's time we reconfigure Rich's keyboard again guys, it's driving him crazy!"

The roar of laughter coming from the tech department could be heard all the way to the break room.

by Stewart Lindsay, Buffalo, NY