WEEK 359
"Please change that radio station," Martha told her husband. "It makes me mad when they go on and on about..."


...how much it cost to bring us all here. I mean, they didn't have a choice, it was really their fault, what with all the gas clouds and the interplanitary war they started." Martha paused to scoop the last of Bill out of his skin before popping him into one of her mouths. Martha smiled and let the setting Florida sun warm her scaly blue skin. "This is a really nice planet, after all..."

by Mike H., Muncie

...bossy women!"

"Yes, dear," Frank responded.

"You would think they could find something else to carry on about rather than a woman who knows what needs to be done."

"Yes, dear," Frank uttered again.

"I'm going to call the station and complain about those idiots."

"Whatever you think is best, honey."

As Martha continued ranting about the program on the radio, Frank began drifting ever deeper into the peace and solace that came when he organized his fishing tackle box in anticipation of his yearly trip with his friends to their favorite fishing spot in the mountains. Maybe this year, he would suggest that they try to make it to the lake at least twice.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes, dear," Frank dreamily responded.

"I thought I heard you mutter something about twice."

"No, dear, I said whatever you decide would be nice."

"Well speak up next time!"

"Yes, dear."

by Stewart Lindsey, Buffalo, NY

..."Jesus. How about my Aunt Delores? She always wore a bathrobe and flip-flops, feeding hungry kids and her husband, a contractor. Delores had two kids, but she never had sex, only sat too many times on dirty toilet seats. Not much of a difference. I'm just sayin'."

Hank blinked as his eyes started to close. "Um-Hmm", he replied, putting on his sunglasses and nodding off. As he woke, Martha's chatter was still going strong.

"When we only had five fishes for our Fourth of July picnic, Aunt Delores threw all of them in a pot, added some potatoes and bacon, and fed thirty people that day. It was a damn miracle. Those radio guys should be talking about her.

"Is that why y'all used the industrial stapler to fasten her to the church beams?" Hank asked.

"No, that was to make sure she didn't rise from the dead."

by Linnie Wheeless, Vicksburg, MS

...weight loss." Harold rolled his eyes. His wife had just finished a pint of ice cream and was foraging through the pantry for a chaser. That muumuu barely fit her rotund body. He turned the dial to the next clear station. Wouldn't you know it - a commercial for hair growth. With a shrug he ran his hand over this bald head.

by Kathleen Ratcliffe, Hatboro, PA