WEEK 333
"I hope people forget my birthday this year," Jason said. "Because last year they..."


...overdid it, maybe because it was my first. Too many wet kisses from fat aunts who smelled like cooked perfume and cheek-to-cheeks men who didn't shave because it was the weekend. Too many asinine little superhero outfits for gifts, not enough toys, not enough people my age. I felt like a trophy in the flesh, especially when Uncle Jarrod did a Heimlich on me to make me blow out the single flame on the wax number one. He squeezed and I pitched forward and drove my fist right into the middle of the cake. Mom was ticked; Dad thought it was pregnant with meaning about how I was going to live my life."

by Mike Keil, Lancaster, NY

...threw me a surprise party at Peter Piper Pizza. I was 'what the!!' I'm 13 years old how embarrassing. It was just supposed to be me and my cousin Alan to go play at the bumper cars and all those cool games. As soon as we entered, I thought I had seen my Aunt Isa run quickly behind the carrousel but I thought naw!! She hates Pizza. I didn't think anything of it. Anyways, I was just going to go and have some fun. Well, anyways Wham!! Surprise!! There were my cousins, my aunts, my grandma about to attack me with hugs and kisses. No!! I thought, Get away!! then I saw spiderman centerpieces, balloons and a pinata. What? I thought? oh, how embarrassing!! I thought. Everything was going too fast and a there was a blur. People I did not even know went up to me saying happy b-day!! Supposedly they were either my cousin's friends or my aunt's neigbor even my teacher showed up. What the!! So I really hope people forget my birthday this year."

by Lupita Zapata, Brownsville, TX

...forgot it and it was the best day of my life."

"What on earth are you talking about, honey?" chided Bianca, as she put on her makeup.

Jason sighed. How could he explain to his attention-loving celebrity wife that he just couldn't stand being in the spotlight? So what if he was married to an award winning actress? Why did that make his every move breaking news to millions of people he didn't know and would never know?

The year before, for some reason, no one had remembered his birthday, except for his wife, and they had had a lovely time just the two of them. She had given him a gold plated cigarette lighter with his initials engraved on it...

While he was busy reminiscing, Bianca, who thought he obviously must be joking (who could not want attention on their birthday!?), was busy making plans to announce on public television the upcoming day...

by Meredith Rigby