WEEK 330
"I'm not going to the family reunion," Lynn said, "because my family is..."


...predictable. I already know what's going to happen, and I don't want it to unfold before my eyes yet again."

Bryan paused before responding: "Alright, I give. What's going to happen?"

"First it's the Welcome Dinner. Aunt Cassie will arrive about 20 minutes late and declaim us all for starting without her. While she's arguing with Uncle Burt, Freddie will start to eat the keylime pie she brought, only she'll have used salt instead of sugar, and the pie will be flung in disgust, taking down Gramma's wig on the way to Rosa's lap. The food fight that insues usually only lasts for about 2 hours before everyone faints from exhaustion or sugar overdose and I'm left to clean up while the caterer berates me," Lynn had to pause for breath. "Once they all wake up--"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture. Why don't we stop at the Summer Festival instead?"

"Actually, that's rather predictable, too..."

by Jane, OR

...non-existent. I made them up. I don't have any family." Shocked, Miriam fell into the chair which was fortunately right behind her. Her mouth hung oven, eyes wide she stared blankly at Lynn who continued to speak. "I was raised in an orphanage in Bainbridge. From what they told me there is absolutely no one related to me. My mother died in childbirth. My father was killed in the war."

Miriam found her voice, "But the pictures, your stories, they all seemed so real. They were touching. They were funny. How could you lead us all to believe your father was a foreign correspondent. Your mother a world famous pastry chef in Paris. And how about your brother who plays hockey in Finland? Why did you tell such huge lies? We would never have thought any less of you if you told us the truth right from the start. But now.."

Lynn interrupted "You see, they are real to me, it's how I made it through everything. My little imaginary family was always there when I needed them. Even though they were all over the globe they were always close to me."

by Kathleen Ratcliffe, Hatboro, PA

...locked up behind bars where they should be!"

"They were all locked up?" Randall asked.

"Yep, every one of them. See, half were crooks and half were lawyers."

"Ah..." Randall said nodding.

by Phillip Lynne, Knoxville, TN

...broke. The investments father made last year were horrible. The man's totally off his rocker. Must have been or he would never have sunk all our money in that one venture. The thought of our cousins looking down their noses at us, well it sickens me. I can't do it. I won't do it. Family be hanged. Let them get their laugh at someone else's expense. You can be sure it won't be mine!"

by Kathleen Ratcliffe, Hatboro, PA

...all army veterans, and when you have that many veterans in one area flashbacks happen. One year my uncle Henry had a flashback while riding on a hay ride, fireworks were booming in the air, but he saw rockets and bombs, he told everybody to "Get the f*** down!" Then he jumped 15 feet off of the hayride, landed and rolled into a ditch and proceeded to take cover. My uncle is 84 he broke both of his ankles and cracked a rib."

Nobody could stop laughing that night.

by Isaac, Alma, Ar