Scribes Valley Publishing
"Uh, dude, what did you say your name was?" asked the long haired, tie dye shirted receptionist (who was a man, by the way).
"Nikki."
"So Nikki, your first lesson is this: if you want to join the Hippy Holidays club, you're gonna have to say it like this, 'I'm gonna rock around the holiday tree! Peace out man and woman!'"
It got really quiet for a second. Then
"You're offending me," said Nikki.
"No way. We don't want to offend anyone. That's why we say 'holidays' instead of 'Christmas.'"
"Dude! You're whacked. So much for peace on earth and all that. I'm out of here."
by Olivia Sanford"How's that?" her husband asked, reading the paper.
"I'm going to whistle carols while I am on the bus and I want one of those reindeer sweaters with snowflakes and I will throw change in the Bell Ringer's bucket and I will smile at little kids sitting on Santa's lap and I will tip our delivery boy and I will buy a poinsettia and I will have patience with people in line who pay with checks and I will treat myself to a fancy egg nog drink and I will actually nod when your mother is here and not just pretend to nod and I will wear slippers and I will say things like, my what a lovely gift instead of, oh...why thank you, and I will make a ham and I will set out a plate of sugar for Rudolph and I will use phrases like 'okey dokey' and I will eat fruit cake and cheese balls and I will actually watch It's a Wonderful Life and when the little brats, I mean the little angels, down the street throw snowballs at my car I will yell 'Merry Christmas' to them and I will use real wrapping paper, not newspaper and...what do you think, hon?"
"I think I wish it was January 2nd."
by Steve, Denver, CO"I think you already are crazy," said her reflection in the long mirror.
"True, but no one has to know that, do they?" Nikki winked.
.................It was Christmas Day, and all the family had opened their presents.
"Look what I got, Daddy!" screamed little Harmony, "I got a bb gun!"
Dad grimaced and took the gun away. "Let's put that away for now. Who gave it to you?"
"That was Aunt Nikki. Can I have it back?"
"Colin, what did Aunt Nikki give you?" Dad asked.
"You don't want to know."
"Just tell me."
"Ballet slippers!"
by Meredith Rigby, KentuckyHolly eyed her skeptically. "Skip?"
"Yeah, skip. No 24-hour hour "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" radio station. No messing up the kitchen making caramel corn and sugar cookies. No frantic hustle-bustle-get-the-best-deal-at-the-mall shopping. Skip. It. Totally."
"And this will accomplish?"
Nikki snorted out her nose, looking remarkably like a fire-breathing dragon. "I won't go CRAZY, that's what!"
Shrugging, Holly tipped her head back, stuck out her tongue, and caught a snowflake. "Whatever works, Nikki." Looking impishly at her best friend she laughed before adding, "Even if you drive ME crazy being such a holiday grump!"
by Daphne Rice, Portland, ORLifting a frosty Piņa Colada, Carol breathed deeply, savoring sweet tropical air. "Nikki, Nikki, Nikki..." His lovely wife turned to glare at him teasingly.
He didn't notice. Carol was wearing sunglasses. Nikki's eyes were blissfully closed.
The pretend glare melted to a smile. "Youra workaholic. Always. I'm just glad ya finally got around to takin' my advice."
He snorted. "Advice? Shmad-vice! Nikki Junior's FINALLY old enough ta take over."
Carol looked around before whispering, "Plus, Rudy'll keep him outta trouble."
Another snort.
"Yeah, cuz..."
Nikki Senior paused, making loud, straw-sucking sounds as Carol finished his sentence, "...cuz old Rudy's such a deer!"
by Ric Hardson, USA"You would. You're always wanting to kill something!" Sam said.
"What? Why do you say that?"
"I should have had a tape-recorder with me! You could hear the play back. 'I could kill so and so...' -- all the time you say it!"
"But -- what do circus's have to do with it?--Killing anything?"
"Well, at the circus, you could go straight for the juggler!"
by Carolyn Ann Aish, Inglewood, New Zealand