Results of U-Write-It Week 261
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"Loosening my belt did no good," Gerald said to his wife. "I ate so much, I think I'll have to loosen my..."
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...pant's button. These things are getting tight!" A humble chuckle came from inside of Gerald.
"Oh, Dad, Please--not the button! It's already embarrassing enough seeing your dad stand on top of a table and strip off his belt!! Please, Dad, just this once--don't embarrass me?!"
"Sorry, Babe, but you know how I am on Thanksgiving! I drop my drawers and make room for more!"
"MOM!?"
"Gerald, Lucile is right- keep your pants on!"
"Yeah, or if you REALLY need to eat more- even though you already look like Santa- can't you go and put on sweat pants? The nice ones- not the ones with the hole in the butt pocket!"
"But, sweetie, dont you wanna see my turkey boxers? I got them just for you!" Gerald climbed on top of his chair, it wobbled under his weight. "HEY! PEOPLE OF THIS PLACE! Do y'all like turkey?"
"YEAH!" The crowd replied.
"Parents who like to embarrass their kids, join me in the annual PANTS DROPPIN!" He looked around the room.
All the dads shot up out of their seats. Kids screaming at them to sit down slid down in their chairs and covered their eyes in embarrassment.
"On three--One..."
"Dad, STOP!"
"Two..."
"GERALD SIT DOWN!"
"THREE!" Every father’s pants dropped in the room. There were thanksgiving boxers, striped boxers, plaid boxers, a few briefs, and one red shiny Speedo. The children ran out, screaming. The wives started pulling their husbands off the chairs and telling them to put back on their pants. "HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!" The dad's shouted. And pants went up.
by Melissa, WI
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...bowels, and purge out everything from both ends. This is what happens when one is gluttonous and stuff things into you to the brim. To easen my situation I will have to undergo further hardship by drinking the gooey concoction which is given prior to a colonoscopy, which only will help me to empty my bowel.
Lesson - Do not stuff stuff beyond your capacity.
Applicable to life situations as well.
by Vimala Venkataraman, Brisbane, Australia
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...mind."
"Your mind?" she said with a blank look.
"Yes, my mind. I have to remember not to eat so much during the holidays. I just read an article on how getting hypnotized can help you control your eating."
"Really?"
"Yes, it's not a one time thing, since I've been over eating for years it might take a few sessions," Gerald said as he put another helping of stuffing on his plate.
"Why are you eating more?" she said with concern.
"Well, I haven't been hypnotized yet.
With a deep sigh she said, "You've got too many loose things in your mind already; maybe the hypnotist can tighten them up.
by Liz Granados, Hyde Park, NY
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...wallet to pay for the doctor's bills."
by Meredith Rigby
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...gut with a quart of Ex-lax!!!!!"
by Christy Kodilanen, Norfolk VA
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...looking at everything in a different way - positively, with thanks always for the little things that we take for granted. So many people have so little, and we in this country have so much. I am thankful for family, friends, life and breath. Food and shelter, clothes, -- it goes on and on. When I am thankful, I have no time to be negative. Thankfulness keeps me from being depressed in any shape or form. Thankfulness is to really be alive and happy! I want nothing else, for when I am thankful all day, I am really rich!"
by Carolyn Ann Aish, Inglewood, New Zealand
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