U-WRITE-IT RESULTS

The page asked, "What's a grenade?"

The groomsman asked, "What's a machine-gun?"

The stable boy asked, "What's an RPG rocket?"

The cook asked, "What's a bathroom?"

Suddenly, the jester wasn't the center of attention anymore as everyone stared at the cook.

"How did you get onto the ground?" the peasant boy asked.

"I used the King's wigs."

"How many does he have?" the boy gasped.

"A lot, the King is a vain man."

"What are you going to do now? It won't be long before you are missed."

"I thought I would steal a wagon, horses and leave the country. Want to come?" asked the jester.

"Sounds good to me, only what country do you want to go to?"

"I'm thinking...Italy."

Off they went, traveling at night, and stealing along the way.

In no time they were in Italy, safe away from the King of England. After a few weeks the jester had a wonderful idea to open the first Renaissance comedy club where he could tell jokes to the poor. This became known as the Day of the Comic and that is how stand up comedy was born.

The End

The bedraggled Jester was suddenly aware that he was being watched.

There was a Knight on his black warhorse and next to him stood a Bishop in bright clerical robes and a throng of common people.

"What happened?" asked the Bishop.

"I told a knock knock joke and they were going to shoot me."

"They were going to shoot you with an arrow for telling a joke?" asked the Knight.

"No, the Queen was going to shoot me out of a catapult. Fling me into the next kingdom she was."

"Tell us a joke, so we can judge the right of this."

"Knock, knock," said the Jester

"Who's there?"

"Venice."

"Venice who?"

"Venice you people going to get out of my face?"

The mob dragged him back to the castle where the catapult crew was warming up.

"That explains your sopping attire, but I've got two questions. First, aren't sharks saltwater creatures?"

"Oh, that one's easy. You see, the moat is divided into two sections, carefully separated to allow salty water in one part and murky swamps in the other. I just happened to make my tunnel right on (or through, I suppose) the dividing line, so I had both predators snapping at my head."

"Okay, that's fine, but why did you do this in the first place?"

"Um...uh...I suppose...for fun?"

"But that's a spider's web, so fragile. How did you get all the way to the ground withoug breaking the web and falling?"

"Have a look, and you'll see how I could climb down the web," the jester said and slipped off his slippers with the curls at the toes and bells on the ends of the curls.

"Oh, your feet! I see - you have web feet!"

"Go on," said the innkeeper. They were alone.

"The king was pissed. He'd been drinking all day. 'Make me laugh,'" he said. "I tried. Bawdy songs, juggling, back flips, and...nothing worked. He threatened to clap me in the dungeon. So I told him The Funniest Joke Ever."

"Ah then there is such a joke," murmured the innkeeper.

The jester nodded. "It kills."

"That's good," the innkeeper said, perplexed.

"No. It's bad. Listeners die laughing. The king's face got red, he started huffing and..."

"Hog swill," growled the innkeeper. "Tell me the joke or get out!"

So the jester did. The innkeeper roared and choked and died.

The jester sighed. He walked behind the bar and poured himself an ale. And then another.

"Dear boy, why were you in the dungeon?"

"They hired a funnier jester. I had to kill him. I simply had to!"

"Of course you did. And how did you get into the wine barrel?"

"See, the moment I hit the ground I hurt myself, I uttered a little cry. Just a little one."

"The guards heard you?"

"Yes, dear sir, one of them caught me. I had to hit him over the head with a rock. Then I climbed into this barrel and was luckily escorted out of town by the wine merchant's carriage. And now I am here. That reminds me, where exactly am I?"

"The carriage never left, dear boy. You are re-arrested."

Hot dog man held out his hand half out of pity and half out of resignation. He was a veteran. "I've seen 'em set fire to a fella on stilts, I've seen 'em outfox a magician, but I ain't never seen no kid bring down a castle like that before."

The jester patted himself down and regained his dignity. Kids were still spilling out of the mound of limp PVC.

"Yeah well, first day on the job, and I get my ass handed to me by a 10 year old. Could you point me to the nearest liquor store, brother?

The night of his escape, he had climbed down the tied handkerchiefs, greeting Larkoff at the castle gates, embracing him tearfully.

The jester fought back a tear, recalling that night. He missed Lorkoff, the castle guard and the jester s only friend in his own country.

Queen Razeraiah had kept him prisoner in the tower punishing him because he insisted that they should make peace with the human world, after nearly 200 years of war.

Lorkoff had lowered the drawbridge and the jester entered the portal that led to the traitorous human world, instructing the humans in his race s esoteric ways.

Now, 30 years later the jester found himself thinking about his country. And Larissa was the first human girl who was interested in hearing his story, and showed compassion for his race.

As he spoke, the jester used a plush cloth and clean water to remove the make up that concealed his true identity.

"So....was it worth it?" asked a visibly shaken woman holding the basin of water at his ready. "Was it worth risking everything you have...we have "earned"?"

"Yes, my dear, yes I do believe that it was."

"Then you have gone mad, as I had suspec.."

"AND WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE ME DO THEN!!? WOULD YOU HAVE ME LEAVE MY OWN FATHER'S SWORD, HIS MOST LOVED POSSESSION, IN THE THE HANDS OF THE VERY MAN WHO MURDERED HIM?! He has already taken my father, he shall not have that satisfaction as well...."

"I'm sorry, dear. I know that you are right...but the thought of losing you...well, it would be to much for ME to bear...I'm sorry."

"Well, the king shall not stand idly by while you steal from him. Of course he knows it is you, for who else could do this but the very man he employed as his own thief for so many years. He will come...."

"Yes...and we will not be here. We leave tonight. along the river to a landing, then a boat into Sharavia. I will send for what he doesn't burn, and I have already sent our monies.

Even as they packed the sacks in a rush, they heard the horses footsteps outside. The burned bodies were displayed for all to see, along with a magnificent, delicately made sword.