"They only attack if they feel threatened," Michael had said. "The best thing to do if you encounter one is to lie down on the ground and pretend to be asleep."

Rodney wondered if it would work. He had his doubts, but as he stared up into the threatening eyes of the enormous creature and saw its razor-sharp teeth, Rodney knew he had no other choice. He calmly lied down on the ground, closed his eyes, and silently prayed. He noticed that the bear stopped roaring, and he listened closely for any movement. He heard the rustling of leaves, then nothing. He opened his eyes, and saw that the bear was gone.

"Whew!" he whispered as he cautiously stood up. "That was close!"

"Oh great," Rodney thought. "I hate tea. And if I stick around, my aunt will force me to drink some. She thinks it's good for my digestion. Huh! Makes me want to throw up!"

He slyly snuck out the back door, intending to hide in the shed, but he didn't know that his aunt was in the back yard, weeding the garden. As he passed a clump of gorgeous peonies, his aunt rose up from behind them like a ghost rising out of a grave.

"Oh Rodney!" she gushed. "You're just in time for tea!"

Rodney could not find the source of the high-pitched meows.

"Oh, this is where they'll be," said Kim as she pulled the lid off the trash can.

They both peered down into the can where six tiny kittens squirmed around among the shredded paper.

"Huh! That mother cat must be able to read too," Kim said.

"What do you mean?" asked Rodney.

"Well, look at that sign on the wall, pointing to this can - it says, 'Place Litter Here'!'"

Well, this is it, old chap, he thought. You ve bought it this time.

Even though he knew the forest surrounding his home like the back of his hand, he also knew better than to go hunting by himself at night, but this was the first chance he'd had to go hunting this season. Slowly he looked around. No bear, no animal, no nothing, except what appeared to be a lightening bug over to his left, then one to his right, then another one. Forgetting about the bear, Rodney started following the bugs, thinking it strange that their flickers were getting stronger rather than fainter. Then, rounding the last stand of trees into his back yard, "Happy Birthday, Rodney!" sang his family and Mary came running and jumped into his arms.

"Come out, sweetheart," he crooned.

The sun was descending. Rodney had to get the photo. He moved gingerly, holding the camera away from his body, his eye glued to the viewfinder. His mouth was dry and he had to piss.

The call came again shrill, almost a shriek.

"Where the hell are you?" he whispered.

The sky was brilliant orange with purple plumes. Every minute was precious. Rodney stepped forward.

He heard a whistle. That's not a finch, he thought just before the bullet pierced his brain. He fell heavily; the camera lens cracked.

A portly man stepped out of the thicket, gun in hand.

"Christ," he muttered disgustedly. "Missed again."

"What?" Rodney squeaked in incredulity as he finished his turn. It couldn't be a Tryphispedes, as his brother had specifically mentioned their black scales and dripping fangs. Besides, this snake was still mostly in the tree, obviously not a land-slitherer, and it looked like all it really needed was a hug. Smiling, Rodney opened his arms as the snake wrapped itself about his shirt.

He was turning so slowly that it took about five minutes for him to get all the way around. But when he finally made it, he saw a horrific sight!

An little person was sitting in a computer chair, complacently veiwing their computer screen, and totally oblivious that a huge, gigantic, enormous, very large, and extremely big sintrapin was right behind them!

Now, if you want to know what a sintrapin is....wait, it's right behind you! Yes you! No time to explain, just run!!!!!