var quotes = new Array;
quotes.push("If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?");
quotes.push("OK, so what's the speed of dark?");
quotes.push("Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?");
quotes.push("Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.");
quotes.push("Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?");
quotes.push("If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?");
quotes.push("If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?");
quotes.push("If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?");
quotes.push("Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?");
quotes.push("How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?");
quotes.push("What disease did cured ham actually have?");
quotes.push("How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?");
quotes.push("Why is it that people say they <i>slept like a baby</i> when babies wake up like every two hours?");
quotes.push("Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm");
quotes.push("Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines");
quotes.push("If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?");
quotes.push("Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.");
quotes.push("When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.");
quotes.push("Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.");
quotes.push("If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.");
quotes.push("Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.");
quotes.push("Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.");
quotes.push("If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?");
quotes.push("What happens if you get scared half to death twice?");
quotes.push("Newsflash: Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.");
quotes.push("Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.");
quotes.push("How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?");
quotes.push("Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.");
quotes.push("Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!");
quotes.push("An apple a day keeps the doctor away... so does having no medical insurance.");
quotes.push("The Mars Rover is really just scouting the next Wal-Mart site.");
quotes.push("If you can't read this, you're illiterate.");
quotes.push("It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.");
quotes.push("Never play strip poker with nudists, they have nothing to lose.");
quotes.push("All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.");
quotes.push("A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.");
quotes.push("When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.");
quotes.push("Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.");
quotes.push("The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.");
quotes.push("Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.");
quotes.push("He who laughs last, thinks slowest.");
quotes.push("Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.");
quotes.push("Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.");
quotes.push("Don't meddle in the affairs of dragons...for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.");
quotes.push("Some days, it's not even worth chewing through the restraints.");
quotes.push("Diet Food: food that's only half there, but costs twice as much.");
quotes.push("If we're the only beings in the universe, what are the other 5,932,875,232 planets for?");
quotes.push("The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.");
quotes.push("Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.");
quotes.push("How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?");
quotes.push("Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.");
quotes.push("Some people are like Slinkys - not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.");
quotes.push("Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?");
quotes.push("Wouldn't mouse-flavored cat food be a good idea?");
document.write(quotes[(Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length))]);